


The Holly and the Mistletoe

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: Johnlock Comes A-Wassailing [21]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Johnlock Roulette, M/M, Red Pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: Of course Sherlock’s favourite holiday plants are both toxic.  But perhaps this year they can provide him with something more than just an interesting case.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DaringD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaringD/gifts), [Anonymissy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymissy/gifts), [msdisdain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdisdain/gifts), [roquentine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roquentine/gifts), [IamJohnLocked4art (IamJohnLocked4life)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamJohnLocked4life/gifts).



> Sing this to the tune of “The Holly and the Ivy.”

The holly and the mistletoe  
When they are used for crime  
Of all the plants they are preferred  
For Sherlock’s Christmas time  
  
He’s rising with the sun  
And he’s running to the shower  
He’s calling out for John to come  
And bring some firepower  
  
The holly bears a berry  
As red as any blood  
And if you’re fed enough of them  
You’ll fall down with a thud  
  
Sherlock and John are running  
They’re chasing after cooks  
Who made some holly berry soup  
Because they’re dirty crooks  
  
The holly bears a prickle  
As sharp as any thorn  
And it can give you quite a prick —  
Not the kind you see in porn  
  
Now Sherlock’s cock is rising  
He’s had a naughty thought  
He’s picturing John’s tight red pants  
That he for Christmas got  
  
The mistletoe is toxic  
It might just kill you dead  
But John will kiss him under it  
And then take him off to bed  
  
The rising of their passion  
And the rutting fast and hard  
The taking of a naked pic   
To send out as their Christmas card  
  
Oh, yes — I want that Christmas card!

**Author's Note:**

> DaringD and Anonymissy both suggested I write a Johnlock version of “The Holly and the Ivy,” which is one of my favorites. Meanwhile, msdisdain and roquentine, who created the Seasonal Fucking Cheer 2016 Ficathon, prompted: “Mistletoe, or why kissing under a parasitic plant is a terrible idea.” And IamJohnLocked4art just created the most incredible NSFW illustration for the first work in this series — “Seven Days of Ugly Christmas Apparel” — which I am fantasizing about using as my Christmas card this year. And then this song just sort of happened. It takes a village, and all that… :D


End file.
